Don’t Hold the Hand I let Go.

I don’t have five babies. I have kids. When I look at my kids I don’t see babies I see young adults, teens, and pre-teen. I knew one day they would grow up and move out to carve out their own life. I also knew it was my and my husband’s job to prepare them to make that leap into adulthood. #3 and I are similar we can be a group and we also do well alone. We relish our independence, and crave space to make our own decisions. That said, we journeyed to 3’s college orientation and while we enjoy being around each other neither one of us wanted to be at the orientation. It consisted of a lot of hand holding for parents and students and neither one of us wanted our hands held, and opting out was not an option. Everything 3 needed to do all together took about an hour but it was stretched into a daylong event. I quickly realized I didn’t fit in with the mothers who proudly raised their hands to admit they still do their college kids laundry. In my house you get introduced to the washer and dryer at 9. I didn’t read through 3’s packet, I didn’t fill out 3’s forms. It was all on 3. I answered the occasional question and nothing more.
When the parents and kids were separated I had to endure more parental hand holding with power point presentations on my feelings, how to talk to my kid when 3 calls home, what not to say, how to let go, how to mentally prepare for the let go, having the talk, expectations about how many times to call in a week and visit. Now while there may be some parents who need this. I don’t so needles to say I was irritated I had to sit through it. 3 and I have been together for 18 years we know how to talk to each other and argue. Not gonna lie we don’t always see eye to eye. But to disagree is natural when children are developing into adults. The talking points offered amounted to things I would say to a barista while I waiting for my order or someone I just met pleasant and generic conversation. Nothing like what I would say to someone who I carried for 9 months, cradled on my chest when only moments old, someone I raised. As far as letting go I went into motherhood knowing I was going to have to let go. I never once wanted my kids to stay babies forever. Never. So, for me there is not big letting go moment because I knew I wasn’t holding on forever. I believe mothers who say they want their kids to be babies forever are selfish. As for the talk 3 and I have been there done that. Personally, I feel if you haven’t had it with your 18 year-old. What the hell are you waiting for? As I looked around I saw parents taking notes. I thought WTF? Note taking? Someone really had to tell you this and your concerned you might forget it?
3 had to endure being spoken to like a child about money, again some children need this 3 didn’t. 3 didn’t need the feelings lecture. 3 needed to register for classes. I wouldn’t be so upset set but for the fact that there was no express program for those of us who don’t need this experience. If 3 and I have let go of each others’ hands why is someone forcing us to hold their hand when we don’t need to. It was clear as the day went on that 3 and I were in the minority as if pertained to this experience. One of the worse parts is when 3 finally got to see an advisor and he handed 3 a schedule, which they picked based off her personality and had nothing to do with her major. Now, because of the way 3 was raised   3 didn’t accept those classes and chose classes that worked with the major. 3 is starting college with 27 college credits. 3’s major and profession in life and life goals were chosen by 3. I wouldn’t pick for 3 why would someone else who doesn’t know 3, and isn’t paying for 3’s education feel they could pick for 3. While 3 was enduring that I was being told about in my “meeting” and my blood started to boil. Someone making a decision for my child when I wanted 3 to make on their own. 3 can’t grow if someone is jumping in to handhold. Besides putting someone in a class based on a questionnaire makes no sense to me to at all. But again I was in the minority as I sat in the room with the other parents. We were desperate to leave, but trapped and forced to endure an experience neither one of us wanted. Based off of dread that neither one of us had. 3 and I are excited for the future. To us it’s not the end but the next chapter in our relationship. But 3 can’t grow it everyone doesn’t let go.

Fill the Prescription Hold the Moral Objection

I was reading an article on the Huffington Post under the women’s section today. The article was titled Pharmacist allegedly refused to fill teen’s IUD related prescription. I have been and will always be very vocal about a woman’s right to chose and a woman’s right to control her fertility. But what got me about this story is that the pharmacist assumed things about this young lady and then decided that his or her personal belief should out weight the young lady’s rights and her doctor’s prescription. In summary she was getting three prescriptions filled two there was no objection to the third is commonly used as a prep for a IUD, which the young lady wasn’t getting she was using the doctor prescribed medicine for something else. In short her mother questioned why it was filled and found out that the pharmacist wasn’t filling it based on his or her moral beliefs. The mother has since gotten the ACLU in New Mexico involved. Whatever reasons the young lady needs the prescription that was between her and her doctor. The pharmacist should not get a voice at the table.

This article irritated me for several reasons first why do people feel they have the right to impose their moral beliefs on others. If you don’t agree with a drug then don’t take it but there is a level of self-righteous arrogance at play here when the pharmacist refuses to do their job based upon their personal beliefs. He or she knew when they became a pharmacist that their job was to fill a variety of prescriptions written by doctors. If this particular pharmacist or any pharmacist isn’t willing to filled a prescribed medicine then maybe they are in the wrong field and they should pick another occupation. Because frankly I have a moral objection and personal beliefs about judgmental people who feel they have a right to inflict their morals on others instead of minding their business. I have a moral objection to people who want to make their morals the law of the land by which everyone should submit. I have personal beliefs about people who want their morals respected but don’t want to respect the morals or choices of others. I have personal beliefs about people who think their way of life is the only way to live and go out of their way to make it difficult for others to live their lives. But the difference is I’m not demanding people like the pharmacist change what I’m asking is that they mind their business, fill the prescription, and let the reasons for the prescription be between the patient and the doctor who wrote the prescription. Because unless you are alerting the doctor and or the patient to a possible conflict with the medications. The why and what for is not the pharmacist concern.

Second reason why this story irritated me is because I have an eighteen-year-old daughter and if she were to want or need a prescription that is birth control related it’s going to really pissed me off if her prescription is denied because a sanctimonious, arrogant, and just down right ignorant pharmacist decided to stick his or her nose in my daughter’s reproductive business. The pharmacist has no right to question or judge her. My husband and I have made it very clear to our daughter what her rights are and that we would support her in taking all of the steps necessary to stand up for her rights.

I’m tried of people making the rights of a woman’s fertility and reproduction their business and doing it under the guise of morality. When it has nothing to do with morality but everything to do with certain sects of society feeling they have a right to dictate what a woman does with her body because the voice in their head they call god tells them they have the right to. Well I don’t want my body or the bodies of my daughters and sons governed by the voices in someone else’s head. And that goes not just for reproductive rights but rights and laws in general. I’m very much a logic, reason, and science person.

The third reason the story  bothered me was because this isn’t the first time a pharmacist has done this. There have been stories of pharmacists refusing to fill the morning after pill as well as birth control pills, but I never hear of pharmacist refusing to fill Viagra or drugs like Viagra on the bases of moral objection or person beliefs. I don’t hear stories about men being questioned, judged, and or shamed by a pharmacist for needing pills to achieve an erection. You don’t hear of a man’s sexual activities being judged because of his Viagra prescription. I haven’t heard of legislation being passed to stop insurance from covering those pills. I don’t hear evangelicals decrying their moral objection to those pills. Men aren’t called derogatory names and vilified for needing Viagra. If one only has a moral objection to prescriptions that pertain to a woman’s reproductive system is it really a moral objection or is it just plain old misogyny disguised as morality.

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