Support the military. Over the past year, I have read and listened to people express their undying support of the military. I’ve listened to people profess they will no longer watch football if players don’t stand. They will no longer support certain business, see watch certain television shows, films, and on and on because of their support of the military. I read a post on my newsfeed where people profess their love and support of the military and how they always stand and raising their children to stand. But after taking all this in I have to wonder do these people really support the military or do they just support the news shows, click-bait articles or podcast that tells them to support the military, be upset at anyone who doesn’t. Are they just in support of these media shows and not the actual military because these media outlets give them an instant I’m right you’re wrong fix?

I am the wife of a retired Sergeant. I at one point was also a widow of an Army Veteran. I am the granddaughter of a Navy Veteran, the great-niece of a WWII veteran. I also have family members who are currently serving. But that said the players choosing to take a knee or put their fist in the air do not offend me. I’m not offended when I see people sitting during the National Anthem to be quite honest I’m usually standing in the drink line when it’s being played or on my way to the restroom. Along with so many others who are walking around, talking on their phones, etc. Or if I’m at a bar or restaurant watching a sporting event I’m sitting like everyone else. I have never seen anyone stand at a bar or in a restaurant. When it’s played at home no one in the house stands.

But what does offend me is when people who claim to support the military can so casually tell me to go back to Africa as if I’m not American. Like I said I am the wife of a retired Sergeant and the granddaughter of a Navy Vet. How is that not disrespecting the military? When someone tells the wife of a retiree who gave 24 years of his life in service to the military to get out of her country of birth. How is it not disrespectful to tell the granddaughter of a Navy Vet this is not her country as well? All the while these same people are professing their undying support and love for the military. And by the way, Africa is a continent, not a country. What offends me is people who claim to support the military but are against marriage equality and openly discriminate against same-sex couples. When online media outlets covered the first gay couple to be married at West Point it was quite surreal to read all of these comment from so-called military loving patriots who were in some cases downright venous in their comments of this active duty couple. Especially considering gay men and women get up every day and put on a military uniform and serve this country with honor.

What offends me is people who claim to support the military but they are anti-Muslim or pro Muslim ban when Muslims serve in the military along with Atheists, Pagans, Nonbelievers, Agonist hell even Satanist serve and yet people who claim to support the military will discriminate against all of these different sects of people. There is nothing that says you have to believe in a Christian god to serve in the Armed Forces. People who claim to support the military but are against gender equality offend me. Women get up every day and put on the military uniform of all branches of the military. They work just as hard as men and take their job just as seriously. They claim to support the military but not a woman’s right to chose when some military women have had to make that choice for whatever their reason. And it is their reason and theirs alone. And not something they need to explain or justify. I have an issue with people who are anti-transgender but claim to support the military when transgender serve every day in the military. When it’s time to deploy they pack up and ship out like everyone else. I’m offended by people who have an issue with interracial marriages, single parents, immigrants both documents and undocumented when all of these groups have people within them who serve every day in the United States Military. People who claim to support the military but have an issue with people of color when people of all ethnicities and races can be found serving in the United States Military offend me. You don’t have to be US born to serve in the US military. It’s not uncommon to see active duty military wearing the patch of their home country in place of the US flag on their uniform.

The military is not straight white Christian men married to straight white Christian women. The military is made up of all races, genders, sexual preferences, religions, ethnic groups, believers, and nonbelievers. They may all put on the same uniform to serve but they are as individual as the people who chose not to serve. But there is something disheartening when I hear people say they support the military but they also have animosity towards a particular group of people. It’s as if they don’t actually support the military. At least not the military that is a vast array of people that comes together to serve in a common objective. They seem to only support the military that they see through very narrow lenses, one that only reflects their beliefs and values and not the one that actually exists.

I was reading an article on the Huffington Post under the women’s section today. The article was titled Pharmacist allegedly refused to fill teen’s IUD related prescription. I have been and will always be very vocal about a woman’s right to chose and a woman’s right to control her fertility. But what got me about this story is that the pharmacist assumed things about this young lady and then decided that his or her personal belief should out weight the young lady’s rights and her doctor’s prescription. In summary she was getting three prescriptions filled two there was no objection to the third is commonly used as a prep for a IUD, which the young lady wasn’t getting she was using the doctor prescribed medicine for something else. In short her mother questioned why it was filled and found out that the pharmacist wasn’t filling it based on his or her moral beliefs. The mother has since gotten the ACLU in New Mexico involved. Whatever reasons the young lady needs the prescription that was between her and her doctor. The pharmacist should not get a voice at the table.

This article irritated me for several reasons first why do people feel they have the right to impose their moral beliefs on others. If you don’t agree with a drug then don’t take it but there is a level of self-righteous arrogance at play here when the pharmacist refuses to do their job based upon their personal beliefs. He or she knew when they became a pharmacist that their job was to fill a variety of prescriptions written by doctors. If this particular pharmacist or any pharmacist isn’t willing to filled a prescribed medicine then maybe they are in the wrong field and they should pick another occupation. Because frankly I have a moral objection and personal beliefs about judgmental people who feel they have a right to inflict their morals on others instead of minding their business. I have a moral objection to people who want to make their morals the law of the land by which everyone should submit. I have personal beliefs about people who want their morals respected but don’t want to respect the morals or choices of others. I have personal beliefs about people who think their way of life is the only way to live and go out of their way to make it difficult for others to live their lives. But the difference is I’m not demanding people like the pharmacist change what I’m asking is that they mind their business, fill the prescription, and let the reasons for the prescription be between the patient and the doctor who wrote the prescription. Because unless you are alerting the doctor and or the patient to a possible conflict with the medications. The why and what for is not the pharmacist concern.

Second reason why this story irritated me is because I have an eighteen-year-old daughter and if she were to want or need a prescription that is birth control related it’s going to really pissed me off if her prescription is denied because a sanctimonious, arrogant, and just down right ignorant pharmacist decided to stick his or her nose in my daughter’s reproductive business. The pharmacist has no right to question or judge her. My husband and I have made it very clear to our daughter what her rights are and that we would support her in taking all of the steps necessary to stand up for her rights.

I’m tried of people making the rights of a woman’s fertility and reproduction their business and doing it under the guise of morality. When it has nothing to do with morality but everything to do with certain sects of society feeling they have a right to dictate what a woman does with her body because the voice in their head they call god tells them they have the right to. Well I don’t want my body or the bodies of my daughters and sons governed by the voices in someone else’s head. And that goes not just for reproductive rights but rights and laws in general. I’m very much a logic, reason, and science person.

The third reason the story  bothered me was because this isn’t the first time a pharmacist has done this. There have been stories of pharmacists refusing to fill the morning after pill as well as birth control pills, but I never hear of pharmacist refusing to fill Viagra or drugs like Viagra on the bases of moral objection or person beliefs. I don’t hear stories about men being questioned, judged, and or shamed by a pharmacist for needing pills to achieve an erection. You don’t hear of a man’s sexual activities being judged because of his Viagra prescription. I haven’t heard of legislation being passed to stop insurance from covering those pills. I don’t hear evangelicals decrying their moral objection to those pills. Men aren’t called derogatory names and vilified for needing Viagra. If one only has a moral objection to prescriptions that pertain to a woman’s reproductive system is it really a moral objection or is it just plain old misogyny disguised as morality.

I was pissed. My husband called me yesterday while he was waiting for #5 of 5 to finish her dance lessons. He proceeded to tell me # 1 of 5 had called and explained that an individual who is an officer of the law had been harassing him. Our son had been pulled over by the same person within a short period of time on the same day. (I will not called him a man because men don’t act the way this individual conducted himself) The first stop was to say our son didn’t stop at a stop sign. When our son explained he had and was able to explain the reason was he was confident he had stop. This individual backed off. The second time was while he was finishing up business with his new landlord; he and his girlfriend who is white are getting their first place together. This individual stopped him again under the guise of making sure he wasn’t doing anything wrong. If you’re wondering why I’m not using the tittle officer or police officer. It’s simple a police officer has a sworn duty to protect and serve everyone in the community not harass and falsely accuse those they deem unworthy of respect or protection.
As my husband told me everything my blood immediately started to boil. My husband who is white proceeded to say I knew this would happen one day. And there was nothing we could do to stop it. I just didn’t know when or where. I expected this call. Those words made me go from pissed to full blow pissed off curse words and all. No parent should have that dread in his or her head. No parent should live with the notion at one day an individual with a badge and less melanin than his or her child is going to harasses, mistreat, disrespect, or falsely accuse his or her child simply because that badge has created a twisted hero complex that allows them to believe only stereotypes about other ethnic groups. But the call my husband got is a call that he will get again from each one of our kids at some point. My kids aren’t perfect, hell neither am I. But they are good hard-working, intelligent, creative, and caring children who have talents and gifts to share. While #1 of 5 is a football player, over 6’ 3’’, and has the typical offensive lineman built what he’s not it a threat, he’s not a thug, he’s not someone who needs to be feared or checked. He’s a college student, a son, a brother, a boyfriend, a friend, a good person.
This brings me to my next point, which is if it all about we stop and frisk and racially profile to keep people safe. Then why aren’t white men being stopped and frisked and racially profiled. I mean Ted Bundy-white, Timothy McVeigh-white, Jeffery Dahmer-white, Dylan Roof-white, James Holmes-white, Robert Lewis-white, Jeremy Joseph-white the list goes on and on. And if you noticed I didn’t even list the white Catholic priests molesting boys and girls for decades nor the white men like Brock Turner who have raped and received light sentences as punishment for their vicious crimes. Nor have I addressed white-collar criminals like the ones involved in Enron who devastated people financially. But no registry for white men you know just until we can sort the good ones from the bad ones. Like the current administration wanted to do with Muslims. No pundit on Fox News talking about the inherent danger of white men. Like they love to do when they talk about young black men. No send the bad ones back to Europe movement. Like the current administration has been doing with undocumented immigrants of Hispanic decent. No stop and frisk with white men being the face of stop and frisk. No group of white male teens being searched without cause because they are white and walking in a group.
My husband is retired military and every time someone comes up and says thank-you for your service I wonder if they really mean it or if it’s like saying bless you after a sneeze it’s just considered the polite thing to do. It’s difficult for me to accept the thank-you offered by society as genuine when society stereotypes, marginalizes and criminalizes our children. When our children are “checked” for simply possessing a higher skin pigment. Maybe society instead of saying thank-you for your service society should show thanks by treating his children the same way they treat him.

How Prom has changed

I have a friend who posted an article on Facebook that I want to talk about for a moment. In Ohio there was a middle school teacher who made a comment on snap chat about parents having money for horses at prom but not school supplies or passing grades. There were parents who were offended and the teacher is currently on paid leave. While I don’t know the economic status of the teen’s family who hired the horse and carriage nor do I know the intent of the teacher’s comments. What I do think is that we as parents and as a society are missing the opportunity to look inward and ask ourselves some very important questions. Why has prom become such and over-the-top event that can set teens and parents back a few thousand dollars? Have we as parents turned prom into an event where parents competing with other parents to show off who can spend the most on their child? Why have we hyped teens up to believe that this one night is a make or break, life changing moment? And I say parents because at the end of the day there is an adult who signs off on all of this.
I did a Google search online for extravagant prom 2017 and there were plenty of photos of teens posing in front of every high-end car you can think of, posing in front of planes, on private planes, etc. Every thing wrecked of lavishness but how much of that lavishness is just an illusion created for one night that will be forgotten long before that teen hits their 30’s let alone their 40’s. As I have mentioned before my husband and I have five kids. #1 didn’t want to go to prom #2 and #3 one boy and one girl went to their junior prom and attended their senior prom last month. #4 is on track to graduate early and won’t go, (I don’t think it’s his thing anyway) and #5 is too young to tell. 2 and 3 went they had a good time. Number 2 drove and 3 rode with her date in the car he drove to school. We didn’t rent a Rolls –Royce, Bentley, or any other high end luxury car. We didn’t rent a helicopter, nor plane. # 3 borrowed a dress because she said she had enough gowns that she will never wear again in her closet # 2 rented a tuxedo. The night was still theirs and the memories were still created. And you noticed I didn’t even touch talking about prom proposals, which is a whole other conversation.
How can we as parents allow our children to get so wrapped up in one night when in the grand scheme of their lives this one night probably won’t even register when they start to live their adult lives and figure out who they are? Are their colligate aspirations held to the same standard? Do you forfeit the right to complain about the rising cost of college when you’re willing to drop hundreds or even thousands on one night? Have we as parents and society created a generation that is focused on the illusion of reality and not reality itself? What happens after the cars are returned to the rightful owners? The plane ride is over? And the dress is no longer in fashion or fits? And the pictures end up in the attic, or basement, or discarded?