When I got the call no Black Mother Wants

I was pissed. My husband called me yesterday while he was waiting for #5 of 5 to finish her dance lessons. He proceeded to tell me # 1 of 5 had called and explained that an individual who is an officer of the law had been harassing him. Our son had been pulled over by the same person within a short period of time on the same day. (I will not called him a man because men don’t act the way this individual conducted himself) The first stop was to say our son didn’t stop at a stop sign. When our son explained he had and was able to explain the reason was he was confident he had stop. This individual backed off. The second time was while he was finishing up business with his new landlord; he and his girlfriend who is white are getting their first place together. This individual stopped him again under the guise of making sure he wasn’t doing anything wrong. If you’re wondering why I’m not using the tittle officer or police officer. It’s simple a police officer has a sworn duty to protect and serve everyone in the community not harass and falsely accuse those they deem unworthy of respect or protection.
As my husband told me everything my blood immediately started to boil. My husband who is white proceeded to say I knew this would happen one day. And there was nothing we could do to stop it. I just didn’t know when or where. I expected this call. Those words made me go from pissed to full blow pissed off curse words and all. No parent should have that dread in his or her head. No parent should live with the notion at one day an individual with a badge and less melanin than his or her child is going to harasses, mistreat, disrespect, or falsely accuse his or her child simply because that badge has created a twisted hero complex that allows them to believe only stereotypes about other ethnic groups. But the call my husband got is a call that he will get again from each one of our kids at some point. My kids aren’t perfect, hell neither am I. But they are good hard-working, intelligent, creative, and caring children who have talents and gifts to share. While #1 of 5 is a football player, over 6’ 3’’, and has the typical offensive lineman built what he’s not it a threat, he’s not a thug, he’s not someone who needs to be feared or checked. He’s a college student, a son, a brother, a boyfriend, a friend, a good person.
This brings me to my next point, which is if it all about we stop and frisk and racially profile to keep people safe. Then why aren’t white men being stopped and frisked and racially profiled. I mean Ted Bundy-white, Timothy McVeigh-white, Jeffery Dahmer-white, Dylan Roof-white, James Holmes-white, Robert Lewis-white, Jeremy Joseph-white the list goes on and on. And if you noticed I didn’t even list the white Catholic priests molesting boys and girls for decades nor the white men like Brock Turner who have raped and received light sentences as punishment for their vicious crimes. Nor have I addressed white-collar criminals like the ones involved in Enron who devastated people financially. But no registry for white men you know just until we can sort the good ones from the bad ones. Like the current administration wanted to do with Muslims. No pundit on Fox News talking about the inherent danger of white men. Like they love to do when they talk about young black men. No send the bad ones back to Europe movement. Like the current administration has been doing with undocumented immigrants of Hispanic decent. No stop and frisk with white men being the face of stop and frisk. No group of white male teens being searched without cause because they are white and walking in a group.
My husband is retired military and every time someone comes up and says thank-you for your service I wonder if they really mean it or if it’s like saying bless you after a sneeze it’s just considered the polite thing to do. It’s difficult for me to accept the thank-you offered by society as genuine when society stereotypes, marginalizes and criminalizes our children. When our children are “checked” for simply possessing a higher skin pigment. Maybe society instead of saying thank-you for your service society should show thanks by treating his children the same way they treat him.

How Prom has changed

How Prom has changed

I have a friend who posted an article on Facebook that I want to talk about for a moment. In Ohio there was a middle school teacher who made a comment on snap chat about parents having money for horses at prom but not school supplies or passing grades. There were parents who were offended and the teacher is currently on paid leave. While I don’t know the economic status of the teen’s family who hired the horse and carriage nor do I know the intent of the teacher’s comments. What I do think is that we as parents and as a society are missing the opportunity to look inward and ask ourselves some very important questions. Why has prom become such and over-the-top event that can set teens and parents back a few thousand dollars? Have we as parents turned prom into an event where parents competing with other parents to show off who can spend the most on their child? Why have we hyped teens up to believe that this one night is a make or break, life changing moment? And I say parents because at the end of the day there is an adult who signs off on all of this.
I did a Google search online for extravagant prom 2017 and there were plenty of photos of teens posing in front of every high-end car you can think of, posing in front of planes, on private planes, etc. Every thing wrecked of lavishness but how much of that lavishness is just an illusion created for one night that will be forgotten long before that teen hits their 30’s let alone their 40’s. As I have mentioned before my husband and I have five kids. #1 didn’t want to go to prom #2 and #3 one boy and one girl went to their junior prom and attended their senior prom last month. #4 is on track to graduate early and won’t go, (I don’t think it’s his thing anyway) and #5 is too young to tell. 2 and 3 went they had a good time. Number 2 drove and 3 rode with her date in the car he drove to school. We didn’t rent a Rolls –Royce, Bentley, or any other high end luxury car. We didn’t rent a helicopter, nor plane. # 3 borrowed a dress because she said she had enough gowns that she will never wear again in her closet # 2 rented a tuxedo. The night was still theirs and the memories were still created. And you noticed I didn’t even touch talking about prom proposals, which is a whole other conversation.
How can we as parents allow our children to get so wrapped up in one night when in the grand scheme of their lives this one night probably won’t even register when they start to live their adult lives and figure out who they are? Are their colligate aspirations held to the same standard? Do you forfeit the right to complain about the rising cost of college when you’re willing to drop hundreds or even thousands on one night? Have we as parents and society created a generation that is focused on the illusion of reality and not reality itself? What happens after the cars are returned to the rightful owners? The plane ride is over? And the dress is no longer in fashion or fits? And the pictures end up in the attic, or basement, or discarded?

Honors Cords in Kindergarten

I admit this post might sound a bit standoffish but the mom in me annoyed right now. I have two kids who recently graduated high school #2 and #3 of five. Both had several honors cords, both took advanced classes and #3 took classes that count towards her college credits. My gripe: my husband showed me a picture of one of his friend’s son who is graduated kindergarten. Cute little boy but as a looked at his graduation picture cap and gown I noticed he had an honors cord. My kids did a lot of work to get into their various honor societies, lots of volunteer hours, late night studying, writing papers, and on and on. So to see a five-year-old with an honor cord because he got the highest score on a test got under my skin a little. I should also mention that I have never been a fan of the cap and gown for kindergarten. Should the child be recognized for achieving high marks absolutely but why honors cords and not a certificate. When I sat at graduation and saw not just my kids but also all of the kids walking with their cords and hoods that was a combination of years of hard work and dedication to educational endeavors. Not one test in kindergarten.

My book

This is a short one. I sat on the fence about positing this one but I decided to. So here we go. My book Grayson was released on Rouge Phoenix Press today. And I am super excited. The book has several themes but the main ones are generational colorism and how it affects a family, a dysfunctional mother daughter relationship and daughter searching for her father. It’s the first book in the series and it has been an amazing experience. My goal is to tell the story from the daughter and the mother’s point of view. There is also a sister who a feel needs a voice as well. Even though I have lived an experience similar to Grayson’s my goal in this project is to make people especially women aware of the damage they can to do their daughter both dark and light skinned when they reduce them to a skin color. Continue reading “My book”

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